My last post about Fina’s shameful behaviour during an otherwise civilised dinner with friends has generated quite a few enquiries: ‘What a shocking cat – why do you keep her?’, ‘Do you not fear for your own safety?’, ‘Have you considered keeping her locked in the attic?’ (we have, actually), ‘How could you expose her to small children?’ – that kind of thing. The most frequent question has been, however, ‘What exactly is this Krinkletoy thing* she showed such malevolence towards and where can I procure one for myself?’
I have therefore written this helpful narrative account of my quest to obtain a replacement krinkletoy for Fina.
How to Procure A Krinkletoy – An Instructive Tale
I strode into the pet products emporium in Darling Street. ‘Show me your finest krinkletoys!’ I demanded of the woman behind the counter.
‘Krinkletoys?’ she said in confusion. ‘I don’t think we have any of them, ma’am. Perhaps you mean bozzleboxes?’
‘What an absurd suggestion!’ I roared. ‘Krinkletoys are the thing I want – krinkletoys!’
‘Twizzletails?’ she offered helpfully. ‘Flufflebombs?’
‘Enough of your damned insolence, woman!’ I bellowed, and began to scour the shop myself, leaving the impudent harridan to cut up her wretched kangaroo meat.
I shortly discovered the object of my quest: krinkletoys, a veritable plethora of them, in every colour you could imagine! In unwitting imitation of the intended recipient, I pounced upon the display and eagerly pawed through it before finally selecting the very finest of them: a handsome krinkletoy with small upright ears, a neat pointed muzzle and turquoise and brown striations banding his feathered body. He looked tough and hardy as well: he would need to be to withstand the ordeal awaiting him.
I paid for the krinkletoy at the counter and requested that the woman wrap him in brown paper and string. She refused, objecting that she was not a Victorian shopgirl, so cursing her once more for her effrontery, I tucked him carefully in my reticule and proceeded home.
At home, I presented Seraphina with her new Krinkletoy and she immediately and delightedly savaged it.
*The good folk at Google would have you believe that this is a krinkletoy. Do not be misled: it is not. It is a stupid looking butterfly with twig antenna. No self-respecting cat would stoop to owning such an object. Please see my former post for a photo of a recently decapitated krinkletoy.